Character and Christian Chicken

Colossians 4:5-6 (TNIV)

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Writing on the maintainence of love and good deeds in the Canadian culture, I want to discuss how we do this in a Canadian institution; a place we are often on display. Somewhere where people are watching us and where we are often “just off duty”.

Many church-going families will end their Sunday morning by spending the early part of their afternoon having lunch at Swiss Chalet. Also affectionately known as Christian Chicken, several of Oakridge’s own attend the post-service luncheons.

First, what is the general reception of Christians as more of us are becoming patrons on Sunday? Often the opinion is negative: They are pushy, demanding and/or arrogant. Impatient. Bad tippers! Some of the waitstaff at restaurants will avoid a Sunday shift simply because “that’s when the Christians come in.” Some of our brothers and sisters have been known to criticise the waitstaff that is serving them for even working on a Sunday ~ all the while making necessary that server’s employment since the Christian is there.

Happily, I will announce that we do not have that reputation; at least not at 1011 Upper Middle Road. I interviewed some of the waitstaff at the local Christian Chicken to see what they had to say about “our crew”.

Overall, we are discribed as “very nice, patient and friendly.” There were even some honourable mentions regarding a particularly nice, senior couple who share an anniversary with one of the hostesses and celebrated the occasion with a gift! We are generably generous with our tipping, and one particularly “handsome” family is number one in this area. Generally we are seen the same as “normal folk” but are particularly communal as we will often request to be seated together and can take up entire sections of the dining hall; a noticable difference that can, at times, make it difficult for the server to know where to serve the food and/or collect the cheque J. One particular action they witness, much to the surprise of the server each time, is the likelihood of one family covering the bill for another, anonymously. All of this speaks well for us as Christ’s ambassadors as we live and and eat before the Swiss Chalet staff.

As it regards our incarnational witness to the world around us, what is important is both the practice and development of character. I understand Paul in Colossians 4 to make a clarion call for a Christianity that is never off duty; letting the love of Christ permeate everything we do and say, no matter where we are. For further consideration, see Who You Are When No One’s Looking by Bill Hybels.

So, perhaps we’ll see you around Swiss this weekend. Remember; we’re being watched, and so far, we have left as good an aftertaste as the meal we’ve enjoyed.

The Aroma of God.

I had found my seat and made small talk with my neighbours for a bit until the show began. Ready for a good time, I looked forward to the concert seemingly oblivious to my surroundings once the lights went down and the music started.
I was sitting behind a woman at the concert that night, and as the first song finished and the second began, I found myself distracted by her perfume.
She was several years older than me, so it wasn't one of those predictable, cutesy scents out there endorsed by some celebrity who neither really wears it, nor does it smell good on anyone ~ they're usually just a variation of musky fruits and alcohol sold to teens for way more than its value.
No, it was a mature, intoxicating scent that wouldn't be ignored.
I was embarrassed by my attraction to the scent and its wearer. But I couldn't help but be diverted by it throughout the concert.
At the intermission, I found myself approaching her to enquire what scent it was ... I had to know the name of that which compromised my enjoyment of the show.
Something funnily coincidental, however, was the fact that particular night I wasn't wearing any [pleasing] scent, and I hadn't showered that day. This perfume made me keenly aware of my own stink :( so at the break I rushed off to put on some deodorant I had for emergencies in order to help make me similar in scent.
It was beauty, and I was not ... I wanted to be so.
In our day to day lives, you don't expect epiphanies to be visited upon you when you're doing something seemingly ordinary, but, that's what makes it an epiphany. You have to be prepared to have God interrupt you when he wants you to be aware of something. Especially when you're not expecting it; he loves to do it then.
All throughout the pages of our bibles, you can find story after story, accounts of men and woman who were simply living their lives ~ some good, some bad ~ and going about their business when God interrupts them; he makes them keenly aware of an insight or truth about himself that alters their consciousness, their perspective and patterns and they go away from the experience changed. Sometimes he may knock you off your horse and strike you blind, like Saul. He may choose to start a fire in nearby shrubbery, and then talk to you from it as you walk your sheep, like Moses.
Or he may use something as subtle as a scent; something that is within his will to manipulate to his glory in order that you and I are made keenly aware of HIM.
All tools of his grace to humanity; he may even use us as that scent to both change us and direct others to him so that he gets the glory.
How do you smell? Are you catching people’s attention or turning them off? Are people being drawn to God through you or being pushed away? Are you close to him, letting him show you where you really are and letting him fill you more and more ~ are you getting in his way? Are we being real in our depiction of Christ and what it looks like to be his follower?
Let him Speak into you, don’t analyse it. (this coming from a “bible studier”) Too often we complicate things; Jesus spoke in parable to common folk with surface meaning or generally understood, subtle sub-text, we don’t have to dig too deep to get it.
I hope we see how God works through us in order to bring others to him so that he might have the glory. That smells good.

Comparisons: Judgement Disguised as Motivation …

I have been preoccupied with being in my early-thirties lately [few of you will remember a television series from the 80's titles "thirty something"] and will celebrate another year of earthly existence in a few days, though it is nothign compared to the one I'll begin enxt year. I know, I am still quite young, but I am starting to feel my age … before I go too far here, let me back up and set this article up so you know where I am going with this.
Do you ever find yourself saying things like, “Why do they need to tell me the age of this guy in the news?” Why do we need to know how old people are? However, when I hear about people’s age, it makes me contextualise who they are and what they’ve done. When I was younger and looked at celebrities, people in my community, whomever, I would always put them on some sort of plain that I was not on. It is incredible the amount of ‘young people’ I would compare myself to.
As I have aged, I find myself passing the age of some of these accomplished people. I know you must do it too ~ it isn’t long before the sports star you idolised is ten years your junior. And while we are on sports stars, let me mention Michael Jordan: He was the one I idolised in my youth. Him along with other celebrities who looking back now were mostly in their twenties or late teens ~ a few even early thirties. While I still enjoy following some artists and such, many of whom are considerably older, doing some simple grade-school arithmetic I realise that for the majority of my heroes ~ and many celebrities today ~ I enjoyed their work in their twenties.
There are several sports stars or celebrities I currently enjoy who are in fact my age or, as is more often the case now, younger than me ~ and I am not old! The captain of my team, Toronto FC, is Jim Brennan; he was born a few short days before me back in 1977 and is a good looking average sized guy form Southwestern Ontario ~ the comparisons stop there: I have no chance of having his soccer skill or life experiences. I guess I have missed my window for true celebrity status and sport stardom. Oh well.
There is, however, one man I have looked up to as long as I remember who is the same age in all the stories we know about him and is younger than most of his followers, an age which I now find creeping up on me quickly. Jesus.
It only took him three years to change the world and save all of humanity, all accomplished by approximately the age of 33. I have done nothing close to that, nor ever will, even if I live to be 100 and work at it everyday with the vigour and stamina of an 18-year-old.
It is possible to compare yourself too much to other people in an attempt to either build yourself up, or tear the other down. Sometimes, it is to motivate you. The only comparison that really has any lasting influence and is of any true worth is the man from Galilee. As I slowly read and understand who He was, and I seek to be more like Him, and am slowly being made into His likeness ~ a little too slow for my liking most days ~ it comes as comfort to know that if I am faithful in being who He has called me to be, I am right where I need to be. Who cares what others say.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go play some FIFA Soccer on the Wii and at least compete virtually amongst my peers :)
Galatians 6. 3-5

Lost in the Sounds of Separation

The hardcore christina band Underoath's new album title has me thinking of how our culture has us 'lost' afloat on messages of depravity in the media & its myriad sounds, particularly the song "we are the involuntary".  Below are the lyrics:
Just drifting along with the world
Every motion is paranoid and paralyzing
Give it up or give 'em hope
Let us all survive the wake
We, we're a race, a human race
Under the glass behind it all
Watch us crawl so fearfully
I might be wrong after all
But weren't we just so delicate yesterday
Sit back and think about it
Sleep it off, sleep on it
Come to, and make your motions
Listen up
There's a calling ahead
A desperation
A falling of man
We are all lost in the sound of separation
Hands in the air and love at our sides
There's gotta be something bigger
With the beating in our throats
And the tremble in our grip
This can't be it
I'll come up for peace
I'll come down for truth
I'll give in, I'll give up for you
The floors are shaking
And we've lost our step
Oh Lord, have mercy on us all

One must wonder what message is in the medium we let influence us.  As well, are we at fault in letting both salt water and fresh water play form the same source, (our iPods) what are we filling our heads and hearts with?  Fewer messages and worldviews are positve and uplifting anymore, much less God-centred.  I hope we can discern the difference.  If not, we truly will be lost in the sounds of separation.

It's a Small World After All

Let it be said that this generation is more global than any that has gone before: There is the internet, television, with its news shows, specialty channels and satellite options, countless newspapers, periodicals and the ease of travel. It is no wonder that the old song of the nursery comes to mind, "It's a small world after all". This is especially so with the contemporary teen. Even though many of them have not yet left the comfort of their hometown, they are whisked away, daily, by our global media. They don't need to visit England to see Big Ben: It's now a backdrop for their favourite movie or a computer desktop. Now, my head is not in the sand. I realize people have been able to travel vicariously through films and the like for years. However, what I am aware of is the seemingly small world in which we find ourselves today. It truly is a global village! 'Cosmopolitan' is not just a name of a drink or a magazine anymore. It's an adjective for the way we think, act and feel.

I was able to attend an address given by Stephen Lewis to students at Centre Wellington District High School one year and was amazed at what he shared. Mr. Lewis? address came as a climax to the school?s 'War, youth & peace' studies. The students were very 'aware' of the world events that were discussed. Shared stories were humbling to say the least. As a result, many of the students were stirred with compassion and were motivated to act. This brings me to my point: Action must always be valued over Awareness. On any given day in South Western Ontario, someone is suffering: lack of food, abuse, neglect, disease, etc. Now, if we take this information to heart, or tuck it away in the mental file cabinet, we are aware ~ albeit in a small way, but aware notwithstanding. On the other hand, if we take this information, let it percolate and allow it to work inside us ? as much as I believe Mr. Lewis had us doing during his address, we may feel an appropriate reaction ? Motivation. It is here that many of us go wrong. What should we do with our awareness?

I began the article with a statement that this generation is more global-minded than any that have gone before. This is an amazing resource that we must tap in order to see the world change. As the saying goes, "Think globally, act locally". This is a great, if sometimes an over-used sentiment. What a wonderful place to start: right here where we live! Right here where we can make a difference in the lives of people around us! We have sent a human into space, but often we are afraid to talk to our neighbours next door. Parents and teachers, talk with your students, and don't discourage their excitement or desire to change the world. It is part of a great time in their lives. It's natural! I happen to know of one Man in particular who tapped into the lives of 12 young people 2000 years ago and the ripple effects of their work are still going! Young people are not just the future. They are the ?here and now?! They are the present. If they can contribute anything to the world, let it begin here. It may not be easy, but in the words of a popular song, "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight". Our future is worth the fight.

Learn to Discern

A trip to the local McDonald?s a while ago provided a very interesting observation for me: They just might be philosophers unaware. I redeemed my coupon for "2 can dine" and was happily enjoying Mc Dinner with my family when I noticed my cup: On it there was a girl leaning over a couple of turntables, wearing headphones, with a case of records behind her, and a large smile on her face with the quote, "Music brings energy to my life! I'm lovin' it!". Now, I realise the recent slogan of the restaurant is "I'm lovin it", but it was the sentiment before that, and the photo, that caught my attention. Music truly is an integral part of our lives, and what we listen to can affect us in either positive or negative ways, can energise or motivate us to certain aspirations and actions, feelings or perceptions.
I would echo our girl from the McDonald?s cup; I have always reserved a large part of my life for music, (I?m listening to a CD right now), as it is a powerful force in my life. If you are anything like me, and even if you're not, chances are "[your life is] alive, with the sound of music". Just consider the advertisements on television, the radio at work, or when shopping, the iPods, MP3 player, the walkman you use when you work out, (for those of us who still use these things) or the song you've been humming 'cause it's stuck in your head. Now, considering the bombardment of music we are under daily, wouldn?t you agree we should have some sort of defence against its constant influence?
In his book, Understanding Today's Youth Culture, Walt Mueller, executive director of the Centre for Parent/Youth Understanding, uncovers the fact that music effects more than the ears. The average teen?s life is saturated with music. In order to better understand our youth, a serious effort must be made to better acquaint ourselves with the ongoing culture of music and the role it plays. Besides the obvious hair, language and clothing styles our students choose, who's in their iPod also influence worldview choices. Today's teens are questioning everything. Who's providing the answers? As a parent, you still have the greatest impact, and despite what they say, your input is valued. Now, I am aware that we can not control all the music that is heard in our lives or in the lives of our students, but if ever you find yourself disagreeing with a music choice that your son/daughter has made, (and hopefully, beyond just not liking it 'cause it's too loud, too fast or too much like noise ~ it's a teen's prerogative to listen to stuff their parents don't like; didn't you?) there are always positive alternatives. When you get wind of some group they are liking, or that song that's always on the radio, listen to it, sample it, check out what they're saying; and if it doesn't mesh with or reinforce godly, life honouring principles, (Phil. 4:8, 9) then you can give an informed answer to your teen as to why you ~ and God ~ don't approve. They may not like it at first, but if you do it in a respectful manner, I think you?ll be surprised at how much respect you get back. It is something we all have to think about.

Good Greif

A couple years back my great-grandmother passed away. Attending her funeral was revelatory for me: Though I have been to funerals before, and even officiated a few, this was the first time I have lost someone close to me; the first time it was my friends and family who were sitting in the first row at the church. This experience was like a rite of passage for me, but I realise that many people experience this at a much younger age. Just last year we had to say goodbye to a young lady who I remember working with, a loss with which friends are still dealing.

Since this blog is for creating better parent-youth understanding, I thought it prudent to give some thoughts for parents to help their teen deal with loss and grieving. The following is a synopsis of thoughts within the book by Jim Watkins, Death and Beyond from Tyndale publishers.

Firstly, because death is inevitable for all of us, we should prepare our children for the event of a loved ones passing when able. Of course, with a disease or prolonged illness, it is easier to anticipate, but even through media, we are able to acquaint our children with the topic. Just watching the evening news can be good exposure: car accidents, celebrity death, international war casualties, etc.

Secondly, telling them about death when it happens is important for a child’s closure and understanding. Ease into the announcement, but fight the urge to ‘soften the blow’ by misleading them. You need not use terms or euphemisms they will only misunderstand or need to unlearn later in life, (how many well meaning parents have told a child that grandma has ‘fallen asleep’ only to have Susie fear going to bed anymore herself.)

Perhaps very important is to be sure we listen to what they are feeling and thinking. Accept their legitimate concerns and emotions rather than ignoring or judging them. The questions they ask may not need answers, they simply want to be heard and understood. Listening means we do not fix the trouble either – when a direct question is asked, a direct and honest answer is suffice, but let them ask it.

Grieving is an important part for all of us who have lost someone. Everyone grieves differently. We need to let them have time, space, and not feel ashamed about how they are dealing with it. After speaking with a local undertaker one morning, he mentioned how important it is to respect the differences in each teen; they are at a point where they feel they are mature enough to fully handle it and may bottle-up. We need to keep checking in with them to see how they are doing and offer that listening ear when they are ready to talk. Sometimes, they will not want to talk to Mum or Dad, but a close friend or other trusted adult may be the one in whom they confide. Make these people available for your teen, and be sure to give the person sufficient warning and adequate preparation. Children look to adults for how they are reacting to things too, so make sure you too practise ‘good grief’.

Lastly, simply being there will do wonders. Not offering answers and clichés, but spending time with them as long as it takes – and it can take years sometimes – so they know they are normal and that you care. Do something together, go out for dinner, whatever they would enjoy and discuss your thoughts and feelings as well, transparency from you may invite it from them.

This topic is much larger than this space will allow, but I would heartily recommend Watkins’ book as a resource when helping teens deal with such a heavy topic.